From diapers to dreams: reconnecting with my personal goals.

I’ll paint a picture of where I am….

I’m super lucky – I feel like I’ve reached a place in my life of true family fulfilment. After having two happy and healthy children, I now feel like I’ve arrived exactly where I want to be with motherhood. But now I’m a bit confused. What does life look like now I have birthed 2 humans and lost almost every ounce of the person I once was? Do I even like the same things I used to? There’s no question that the love of food still exists, my wobbly-postpartum-comfort-eating-body never leaving me since popping out baby number 2.

Sure, despite running out of money thanks to statutory maternity pay depleting and forcing me into a financial decision of going back to work when I wasn’t ready to leave my child…Yeah, maybe I’m ready and excited to show the world what I’ve got and step back into my career. It must be noted, however, that this ‘career’ must fit around the childcare routine, be part-time, offer a decent salary, and cause minimal disruption to my home life balance. OH AND I’d love to be at least two stone lighter, despite my hormones being all over the place… Ha! Is that even possible?

Since having my second child over a year and a half ago, I have undergone one heck of a journey to rediscover myself. This is an unfinished novel with many chapters, subheadings and appendices and I invite you to join me on how I’m moving forward to reconnect with my personal goals and find out, who am I since I became a mum and how can I take better care of myself so I, in turn, am a better mother, wife and friend to those around me.

My life BC (before children)

Plenty of fish in 2013, the dating app of the day. Little did I know I would be chatting to my future husband, the father of my children and my partner in crime. Both of our previous histories were a bit pants, so when we decided to give our relationship a pop, it was more of a f*** it, let’s throw everything at it and if it doesn’t work that’s fine! We both had aspirations to travel, have lots of fun, eat lots great food and drink and be merry! We were both very spontaneous, booking holidays at the last minute, buying the expensive tech, travelling across the country on a whim, buying the next house – it was SO much fun. I can genuinely say we LIVED BC (before children) and when we made the decision to start a family in 2020, we were so excited to bring a small human into the fold, to live this exciting, fun, spontaneous life with us.

NOPE

Honestly, not only was having a baby during the covid pandemic horrific, but when the world allowed you to be spontaneous once again, a baby is not spontaneous. Don’t be fooled! To those Insta mums who have their shit together and take their children across the world, I salute you.,

I cannot express how difficult I found the transition from being independent and free to having a baby, I felt like my whole world had been turned upside down. The lack of sleep, the struggle to breast feed, the fear, the anxiety, the grieving for my old life which was no more. It was one of the most difficult things to process and it took me a long time.

Not only are we trying to figure out what a baby is and does, we have completely lost any ‘normal’ parts of ourselves we once had.

And not only that, my first born didn’t sleep. He fed every 20 minutes. I STRUGGLED.  Although I had people around me to offer support, I felt completely alone. When asked how I was, I told my health visitor how I struggled with breast feeding but because my baby was the right weight, nobody battered an eyelid. It was tearing me up inside because I was SO tired, I was depleted, it hurt and all I wanted for my baby was to be able to provide for him – I was in a pretty dark place.

I never realised how night time could feel so scary. The darkness felt like it lasted forever when I was up feeding, so quiet, lonely, scary.

The second baby however, complete doddle.

I’ve recently learned the term ‘matrescence’ – the process of becoming a mother, which parallels adolescence in its upheaval and transformation. Becoming a mother is a new level unlocked, there’s new skills to figure out, new tools (still not entirely sure I used that breast pump right…) and just when we have smashed that out of the park, we then have to go back to some kind of ‘normality’ and adopt a routine once again. What the f*** does that look like?!

I’m here to support new mums in finding that new identity, reclaiming themselves and empowering that ‘metamorphosis,’  sharing my own experiences along the way. I still have a long journey; hormone imbalances, convenient healthy eating and finding time for fitness to feature heavily in my own 2025 plans but firstly, let’s explore why I decided to become a health coach…

What do I want to be when I grow up?

It’s 2023, I had just had my second child and I was bossing it. She was a great baby and we had gone through weaning and all those stages right up to me thinking about going back to work. I didn’t really want to go back to my old job, it absolutely filled me with dread. So much had changed there but so much had changed with me – I didn’t know if that was the right place for me anymore. Did I even want this career?! Did it give me job satisfaction? Where was it leading to? I was feeling it was more of a salary ticking exercise (and it wasn’t even great at that) so I could be part time and enjoy time with my first born. It would be easy to just go back for the sake of earning a few pennies doing something that didn’t particularly challenge me anymore. I thought to myself, is that inspiring for my kids to see? My husband had recently stuck two fingers up at his regular 9-5 and became self employed doing something he loved. Could I do that to?

I decided to delve into the job market, signing up to daily alerts from Indeed for jobs loosely base around the type of work and enjoyment I had in my career – all centred around helping people, community work and the health sector.  I took a couple of psychometric tests online too, to gage where I should be. It wasn’t very helpful, I have to admit.

I applied for a few different roles, some around the same fundraising ilk in which I currently worked, but also health coaching and social prescribing roles, just to roll the dice a little bit. I was offered an interview for the health coaching role and unfortunately didn’t make the cut – but this vacancy triggered something in me to explore this career further.

A definition of a health and wellbeing coach: to support people to increase their ability to self-manage, motivation levels and commitment to change their lifestyle. They are experts in behaviour change and focus on improving health related outcomes by working with people to set personalised goals and change their behaviours. (NHS, England) https://www.england.nhs.uk/personalisedcare/workforce-and-training/health-and-wellbeing-coaches/

I bloody loved the sound of doing that. My background has always scratched the surface of this, if I could do something to empower people to make positive changes and link them to their local community, that’s a jackpot job for me right there. I needed to learn more, so I signed myself up for a health coaching diploma (we could barely afford it, maternity leave was not kind to us). I NEEDED this. Just imagine, if I could host my own journey of self-exploration to share with clients and support them within their own struggles and successes, empowering likeminded women who to, are in the midst of a complete identity crisis after having children. We aren’t alone – we could figure this out together!

9 months later I smashed the diploma and I’m here writing this blog as part of one of my final assignments. Tiff Allen, qualified health coach. BOOM.

There’s a lot more to add to this story, the past year has been an absolute rollercoaster for me, the catalyst being trying to find the ‘new me’ and going back to work full time (I was offered a promotion in my job so stayed for 4 months, it absolutely destroyed my mental health). I have worked through strained relationships, poor health, lack of fitness and a disruptive environment. So, I made a difficult decision to leave my job (although it sounds like a no brainer, I genuinely loved the charity I worked for and many of the people in it—but ultimately, it was the right choice to leave) and I pursued another part time role which I have been doing alongside my health coaching studies. I have already come along way from where I was last year. 2025 is my year to share this with you, practicing what I preach for those of you who feel just as stuck as I did.

I have already learnt so much and am excited to learn even more. I can’t wait to share this journey with you.

So mums, let’s thrive, not survive – starting with reconnecting with our personal goals. What does your 2025 look like, what do you want to achieve? I’m mapping mine out and I’m ready to smash this year ahead. 

Come climb the mountain with me!

Tiff x